Once upon a time there was a boy named Odesius. He lived alone in a beautiful village. His parents dead when he was 10 years old. And now he was 18 years old. He was a helpful and friendly boy. But, he didn't have many friends. It's because, he didn't an ordinary boy. He can understand with animal's language. So, he was always alone to the forest with his animal friend. The villagers said that Odesius was freak and some villagers said that he was crazy. But everything that villagers said to him, he still to hold one's tongue.
One day, Odesius was walking to the forest. He brought a basket that full with fruits. Before he arrived in forest, Odesius must through a river first. On the way to the forest, there were two villagers. They were Paul and Pedro. They like to disturb Odesius. They also like mock him with predicate "White Elephant." But Odesius never heed it.
Paul and Bruno saw Odesius from the distance with a basket that full with fruits on his hand. Then, appeared a bad intention from Paul’s mind.
“Hey, Bruno look! That is the white elephant!” Paul said.
“You were right. So? I already bored to mock him. We didn’t get any profit!” said Bruno.
“Do you saw what was brought by the white elephant?” asked Paul.
“Hm, a basket that full with fruits! So?” Bruno answered.
“Do you felt hungry?”
“Surely, I felt a little bit hungry after that trip. Aha,, I knew what is in your mind. But how??” asked Bruno.
Then Paul whispered some words to Bruno’s ear.
“How about my idea???” asked Paul.
“Wow, you surely smart to thought about bad ideas!” answered Bruno.
Meanwhile, Odesius was walking to the forest and already arrived in the river. When he arrived on the edge of the river, he heard someone asked for a help.
“Help…. Help me...!”
Then Odesius looked for that sound. He found Paul lie near the river. He immediately approached and helped him.
“Are you okay? What happened to you?”asked Odesius.
“My ring falls into the river. Can you find it for me?”
“Of course with my pleasure.” said Odesius.
Then Odesius looked around to found that ring. He put his basket beside Paul. Suddenly, Bruno pushed Odesius from the edge of the river and he fell into the river.
“Hahahahaha…. You are stupid boy!” said Bruno.
“Bruno, I got his basket. It’s like taking candy from a baby!”
After that, they went and left Odesius there. Odesius stood and out from the water. Then he talked to himself.
“What will I do now? I already arrived here. Better I go to the forest. After that, he continued his trip to the forest.
In the forest, he was welcomed by his animal friends. There were squirrel, rabbit, deer, elephant, monkey, and many more.
“What’s wrong with you Odesius? Why are you soaking wet?” asked the deer.
“I’m okay; I just slipped, when I was going here.”said Odesius.
“Don’t lay Odesius. Please, call a spade a spade!”said the monkey.
“I slipped!”
“Don’t lay to us. We knew what happened to you!”said the rabbit.
“I saw you were joked again by those bad kids, didn’t you?” said the pigeon.
“I only want to help them. I didn’t know if they deceive me.”
“That’s your weakness Odesius. You are too kind!” said the squirrel.
“What can I do squirrel? That’s my strength too”
“We must give lessons to them. Don’t let them do this to you!”
“Don’t do that. If we do that, we are same like them.” said Odesius.
“But if this happen constantly, they will always did this to you!”
When they were arguing, suddenly the lion appeared from the forest.
“Hey you, safe yourself. Magmapulu Mountain will erupt!” said lion with hurry.
“What?”said them all.
“What will we do now? We will die!” rabbit shouted.
“Don’t be stupid. We still have time an hour to save ourselves!” said lion.
“Okay. Deer, rabbit, and the others, help the animals that still in the forest. I will commemorate the villagers about this problem!” said Odesius.
“Are you crazy?? They’ll not believe in you!” said the deer.
“We must try it! Let’s go, that’s no more time! said Odesius.
“Okay Odesius!”
They dispersed and follow what was Odesius said. The animals went to the forest. Whereas Odesius went to the village.
Meanwhile, Paul and Bruno were eating the stolen fruits in the forest.
“Hem, it’s great!”
“You are right Paul. But it’s make me feel sleepy. Let’s sleep for a while.
“Okay, let’s sleep.”
They slept under the tree and didn’t know about magmapulu mountain erupt.
Arrived in the village, Odesius told about that problem to the villagers. But no one of them believed Odesius.
“Villagers, flee for your life. Magmapulu Mountain will erupt!” Odesius cried.
“What are you saying freaky boy? Go away from here! We are busy in here!”
“No, you don’t understand. Magmapulu Mountain will erupt. We don’t have more time.”
“I don’t care! You are a freaky boy!”
“Please, it’s for your best!”
Suddenly, Magmapulu Mountain erupts. It’s eruption seen from the distance.
“Oh no. We are late!”said Odesius.
“What do you mean?”
“I have already told you! Hurry, safe yourself!”
“That kid right. Let’s safe ourselves!”
The villagers hurry to evacuate the village. They brought their properties and keep away from the village. They went to the beach in order to avoid from that disaster.
“Does anybody left?”
“Hey, where are Bruno and Paul?
“Does anybody see them?”
“I saw them go to the forest!”
When they are talked, the animals came from the forest.
“Friends, do you see Paul and Pedro?”
“You mean, two kids which always disturb you?”
“Yes, do you see them?”
“I saw them fainted in the forest!” said the pigeon.
“What? Deer, horse follow me to the forest!”
“What’s for?”
“We must rescue them! Even they wicked to me; I’m still considering them as my friends.”
“Okay, if you have said like that, I can’t say anything again!”
Finally, they went into the forest to rescue Paul and Bruno. In the forest, they found Paul and Bruno fainted and trapped in the fire.
“What will we do? How will we rescue them?”
“Nothing is impossible, we must try!”
Then Odesius jumped into the fire. He lifted Paul and Bruno and throw away them out of the fire. Now, Odesius was trapped in the fire.
“Came on Odesius. Get out from there!!” said deer.
“You go first! I will overtake you then!”
“But,,,”
“Just go!”
“Okay. But you must survive!”
“Of course”
The deer and the horse came back to the beach with Paul and Pedro on their back. Meanwhile, Odesius tried to get out from there. He tried and still tried. Finally, he can got out from there in the nick of time. He ran as quickly as he can.
“Oh, finally I did it. Now, I just come back to the beach!”
On the way to the beach, he heard the villager yelled out his name. The animals also didn’t want to lose. The rabbit squeals, the deer bells, the horse neighs, the pigeon coos, and many more sound. They welcomed Odesius as a hero.
“Odesius, thank you very much for rescue us. We are sorry if we always disturb you!How can we repay your kindness?” said Paul and Bruno.
“No problem. Don’t say thanks to me. You must say thanks to the animals.”
“Thank you animals…”
Finally, Odesius lived harmonious with the villagers and the animals.
your story is very good.. from this story we can know about the meaning "dont judge the book by its cover"
BalasHapusi think, that is very good mesagge for us..
edi said, “don’t judge the book by its cover" that’s true, but by cover we can know the personality. So, cover is one of important point, I think so.
BalasHapus@edix noize:thank you for your comment
BalasHapus@the_understand:it was true. but if we only look by the cover, we will not know for sure that person's personality.
Nice story...
BalasHapusLike Edi and Agus have said, your story teaches us if we have not to judge someone by his/her outside appearance.
If you want to write a statement which is said by someone (direct speech), you should use present tense because use use past tense on your story.
@xiieenniix_andriyani:thank you for your comment. there may be a few sentences in my story which I type using the past tense. next time I will fix it.
BalasHapusNice story, good moral value, but i don't feel comfortable with the names you given to the characters like odesious, paul bruno, because it seems Western-typical story.
BalasHapus@Adi Wiweka:thank you for your comment adi. I actually very difficult to choose the names in this story, so I am sorry if the names in this story is less appropriate.
BalasHapusThere's moral value in your story.. We should help someone although they had done something bad to us...
BalasHapusNice story dude.. But i found that you wrote a part of story twice......
advantages and disadvantages of a person is not something that can become a mockery ..... sometimes people that we hate can be our savior ..... that is the moral value that I learned on the fairytale that you made
BalasHapuswhat a nice story...
Your story is very interesting. I like it so much. Odesius was very kind to everyone, including his friends who always disturbed him. Your story told me to help everybody without hope the rewards, and maybe I will do that.
BalasHapusI think that’s all from me. Thank you for the story dude. Bye…
I agree with Yeni...you have to pay attention to the tenses! But, your story is interesting...I like it...
BalasHapuseh ya, I think there are some miss spelling in your writing...
over all, you did it very well...
it is a good story...you can make the main character very well.
BalasHapusBut, remember that a narrative should use past tense, but the direct speech is not always in past tense....
over all, it is nice.
that's all...
this is the first of the clearest short story that I've already read....very fantastic....butr make the ending more interesting....
BalasHapusyour story is different!we usually tell a story about love,between a boy and a girl i mean..but you tell a different story which full of moral value..this story is a good story for a children..and you have a good talent in making it..
BalasHapusIt is a good story. Although, Paul and Bruno made cruel trick for Odesius, but he never angry with them.This story reminds me with one of the proverbs that say, “One good deserves another.” It means that if someone has done the kindness, we should do the kindness in return to him too. So, let’s do the same like what Odesius did.
BalasHapusYour story really good and it's contain a moral value. I like it.
BalasHapusGungde., your story is very good. We can catch the moral value easly.
BalasHapusI think your story is good. however to many conversation in it and it make me a little confuse. May be it can be your drama script,he..he. But your story told us a good moral and many good values that we can learn from that. That's all thanks.
BalasHapusAlthough the people sneaky to us, we still have to care to each other. That is what I can get from your story. Your story has a good moral value. I like your story.
BalasHapusoh very good story. It is very appropriate for bed time story gunk...
BalasHapus@ all: thanks for your comments. I apologize if there are many mistakes in my story. Next time I will fix it.Sorry if I can not reply to your comments one by one.Thanks.
BalasHapusKomentar ini telah dihapus oleh pengarang.
BalasHapusI don't agree with adi, I love the unique name of the characters in this story. As the way I see it, I think your story is very motivating. The moral value are: teach us to be brave, and care others. As we know that God will always help people who help themselves. Odisious is not only help himself, but also the villagers. Although many people didn't like him, he could reply a bad action with a good one. God always show the way. Nothing is impossible. Don't ever underestimate person just because his differences with us, respect other people, respect animals, and everything around us. your story is excellent :D
BalasHapusumm.....your story is diffferent... i dont know what is your inspiration. i loved the word "nothing imposible in this world". whatever you want if you do it for goodnes. two tumbs for u.....
BalasHapus^_~
i agree too, i also like "don't judge the books by its cover"
BalasHapus:)
good story, but i feel that i ever know the name 'odesius'
well, so far is good :D
I think your story is interesting. your story can entertain me as the reader. :)
BalasHapusGung De:
BalasHapusI think if the story is real, I would talk to the animal like Odesius, too. The containing of your story is very interesting. There’s some mistake in your sentence, but it doesn’t matter. I appreciate all of your hard work, honey :3
Keep spirit.
your story is good.. Your story teach us about how to forget wickedness that made by other people to us..
BalasHapusGood job dude...!!!! I like it..
1. It is great idea about Adesius who knows animal languages and wastes the time in the forest.But there are also too many conversations that make reader felling bored to read and make him/her to lose the points that want to be served. , I like your idea. It makes the reader to realize if life is so beautiful although we do not have parents. NIce story..
BalasHapussame with the other ..you have wonderful ideas that make your story very good..
BalasHapusgood job brother..
A simple story, but full of moral value, gung. Your story tells us about the harmony between human and nature. And there are much moral value that can we find in this story. But I think your story is too much direct dialogue, and the sort story should d not include too much direct dialogue. But still, your story can make me enjoy in read. Good job :D
BalasHapusit's a nice story, simple but has a deep meaning. :) it's remind me that goodness will always result happiness.
BalasHapus“Nothing is impossible, we must try!”
BalasHapusFrom that words, I conclude that we can do everything if we have confidence. Nice story,, :)
@all:Thanks you for all of your comment, guys. I will learn again to write a story from my mistakes and your suggestions.
BalasHapusnice story boy,,,
BalasHapusyour story has a very good moral value, that we should love animals and living things around us,isn't it?
try to make it not to much dialog... must be balance between dialog and narration
BalasHapusYour story has a good moral value. i love your story gung de... but too many conversation in it....
BalasHapusWoow… so nice.. Your story is very good. Plot of a story is chronological. The conflict and climax in this story is suitable. I like your story. This story tell about a boy is wise. He not bears malice with Paulus and Bruno. We can learn from this story about it. But I don’t understand where and when he got able to speak with animal. Maybe you can tell about it in start story. Good job, gunk de..
BalasHapusYour story is very good,that is the best story which i read. is very funtastic.Good job
BalasHapus@all: thnks for your comments.:D
BalasHapussame with other opinion,
BalasHapusvery nice story,
the conflict and climax in this story is suitable.:)
good luck
agunk diiach